最坏的罪犯是在我们最脆弱的时候袭击我们的罪犯。当涉及到内心的问题时，即使是最聪明的人也可以超越逻辑并落入(logic and fall)骗局的下巴。
在线(Online)约会诈骗者依赖于我们对陪伴、爱和避免痛苦孤独的需求。每个人都应该找到一个特别的人，但这并不意味着你在网上寻找爱情(love online)时需要完全不挑剔。
我们将研究在线约会诈骗者的工作方式，警告标志是什么以及如何应对每一个。
网上约会诈骗者如何工作(How Online Dating Scammers Work)
网上约会骗子主要有两种类型。第一个是纯利润驱动的。我们的想法是与您建立关系。然后在情感上操纵你与你的贵重物品分开。
第二种骗局更加阴险，因为大多数时候，没有金钱收益。这被称为“catfishing”，是一种网络拖钓(internet trolling)。其目的是羞辱或以其他方式伤害您作为残酷的恶作剧。
虽然鲶鱼一般不会骗走你的钱（尽管它可能会朝那个方向发展），但两种类型的在线约会诈骗者仍然共享许多迹象。以下是一些最常见的危险信号。
事情进展得太快了(Things Move WAY Too Fast)
骗子需要获利，这意味着他们在计时。虽然您可能并不着急，只是想享受获得所有爱的早期阶段，但假个人资料(fake profile)背后的真实人物想要美元，他们现在就想要它们。
这意味着您肯定会从屏幕的另一侧感觉到某种缺乏犹豫。您的在线“约会”希望立即从 0 到 60。因此，如果事情以不真诚的速度变得又热又重，那么您绝对应该在没有那些玫瑰色的爱情眼镜的情况下退后一步。
怎么办(What To Do About It)
你需要控制承诺的速度。向他们询问有关他们生活的详细问题。真正感兴趣。让他们知道你有兴趣在认真之前了解他们。
这不是万无一失的。一些在线约会诈骗者的服装愿意花几个月或几年的时间来工作，但大多数都是为了快速赚钱，刹车会让你无利可图。
事情不加起来(Things Don’t Add Up)
在线(Online)约会诈骗者必须建立多个虚假的在线角色(online personas)。是的，即使是骗子也必须上场。他们可能会告诉您没有其他受害者，但事实是，成为在线约会骗子有点像成为电池农场的鸡(battery farm chicken)。你被塞进一个盒子里，期望你生产、生产、生产。
好消息是，这意味着这些虚假的在线个人资料中的大多数都是纸上谈兵。随便浏览一下他们的社交媒体资料，就可以突出显示不匹配的细节。
怎么办(What To Do About It)
像对网络上的任何其他陌生人一样进行研究。如今，人们几乎不可能在网上保持生活。因此，超越您的预期在线约会(online date)对象用来与您联系的渠道。
对他们的个人资料图片进行反向图像搜索(reverse image search)。看看他们是否与家人互动。他们有LinkedIn页面(LinkedIn page)吗？他们生活的细节加起来了吗？它们在配置文件之间是否相同？
他们要钱(They Ask For Money)
网上约会骗子的特点是，在勾搭你之后很快就会收到要钱的要求。这里可以采取许多不同的策略，但核心问题首先是对资金的要求。
怎么办(What To Do About It)
这可能很困难，但您需要绝对拒绝任何形式的货币支付。如果您已经付款，现在停止还为时不晚。即使此人不是(isn’t)骗子，向您只认识几天或几周的人要钱仍然是掠夺性的并且非常不合适。
问问(Ask)自己，如果给一个你在现实生活中从未见过的人钱(life money)，你会不会感到舒服？即使是最好的朋友也不会(t ask)轻易寻求经济帮助。更重要的是，这是众筹时代。如果某人有真正的紧急情况并想从陌生人那里得到钱，他们最好启动一个GoFundMe页面。
英语或整体语言使用不佳(Poor English Or Overall Language Use)
这可能是一个敏感的问题。英语(English language)不好并不意味着(automatically)您正在与在线约会骗子打交道。网络使来自任何背景的人都可以见面。所以完全有可能与你合法地开始一段浪漫旅程的人只是不会说(t speak)或写英语。
真正的危险信号是没有理由期望他们假装的人英语不好。(English)如果此人声称自己是说英语(English)的人、受过大学教育或出生在英语国家(Anglophone country)，那么当他们的英语(English)水平不佳且质量差时，这是一个重要的危险信号。
如果您使用英语(English)以外的语言进行交流，同样的原则也适用，而您是该语言的胜任者。
怎么办(What To Do About It)
如果对方的语言使用(language use)不佳、不一致或其他可疑，你唯一能做的就是保持警惕。向不是骗子的人提出问题仍然可能会令人反感。
但是，您可以提出与可能解决问题的问题相关的问题。诸如“您会说多少种语言？”之类的问题。或“英语(English)是你的第一语言吗？你有一种有趣的写作方式。”
精心制作啜泣的故事(Elaborate Sob Stories)
网上约会骗子的另一个共同特点是精心制作的啜泣故事(sob story)。碰巧你进入了这个人的生活，就在一切都快要出错的时候。他们的狗生病了，他们的妈妈需要癌症治疗(cancer treatment)，他们即将被驱逐等等。
通常，这些故事是错综复杂的，你对它们的质疑越多，添加的细节就越多，从而使情况更加混乱。这一切都在绝望和令人心碎的求助请求中得到体现。他们真的很爱你，如果你爱他们，你就会帮助他们。
您可以打赌，要求不断增加的金额的要求很快就会随之而来。
怎么办(What To Do About It)
当情节剧悲剧的故事开始滚动时，大多数拥有健康废话检测器的人都会闻到一些可疑的东西。无论故事是否真实，修复它不是你的责任。
你可以同情，你可以提供建议，但从不提供金钱。如果有交换条件的含义，那就特别讨厌，(quid pro quo, )但这是你自己的道德指南针的问题。
借口，借口，借口(Excuses, Excuses, Excuses)
您可以打赌，在线约会诈骗者对被审讯并不陌生。他们的大部分分数很快就闻到了一些可疑的东西，所以他们有一个借口让你尽可能长时间地跟着你，只是为了多赚几美元或（用鲶鱼钓鱼）多笑几声。
因为他们不是一个真实的人，所以你要求的任何事情对于一个真实的人来说都是微不足道的，这是他们必须避免的事情。想进行视频通话(video call)？他们会找到他们做不到的原因。想飞出去见他们以虚张声势吗？他们可能不会同意，除非他们已经从你身上骗走了足够多的钱来结束骗局。
诈骗者会尽可能地与您保持他们可以控制的距离。这使得支撑立面变得容易。
怎么办(What To Do About It)
一些合理的借口是一回事，但如果事实证明你对现实生活中的会议(life meeting)或简单的Skype 通话(Skype call)的请求遇到了无法实现的原因的铁幕，那么最好结束这一切。(iron curtain)即使它从来都不是骗局。
关系应该随着时间的推移逐渐开放，一个在文本中炙手可热但不会出现在镜头前的人是一个主要的危险信号。
绝望升级(Escalating Desperation)
在线(Online)约会诈骗者对抵制要钱的人并不陌生。那是他们真正开始交易的地方。首先(First)，他们以啜泣故事的开场白踏入了大门。(opening gambit)然后，当你不接受现金时，情况会变得更糟。
最终你会让对方请求你帮助，质疑你作为一个好人的自我形象。他们不会因为几块钱而回避在情感上伤害你。事实上，他们越能通过你的同理心让你心烦意乱，你就越不可能停下来思考。
怎么办(What To Do About It)
这可能是一个艰难的过程，特别是如果诈骗者已经花了很长时间来为这一刻修饰你。最好的办法是在自己和这些人之间留 出时间和距离。(time and distance)
去散散步，深呼吸，看看(breath and look)在强烈情绪影响之外所说的话。时间压力(Time pressure)和情绪高涨是操纵者用来强迫你不假思索地做出决定的工具。
强迫您使用不同的服务(Forcing You To a Different Service)
这些诈骗者使用的一种常见策略是快速将您从Facebook 或 Twitter(Facebook or Twitter)等主流平台转移到只有他们控制的地方。这可以是简单的短信、WhatsApp 或一些不为人知(WhatsApp or something)的东西。他们不希望被举报，也不希望您将其他人带入谈话中。
他们控制你谈话中尽可能多的变量是至关重要的。如果这个人奇怪地坚持要你离开你会面的平台，请保持怀疑。
怎么办(What To Do About It)
拒绝(Refuse)。没有充分的理由让您远离您信任并已在使用的平台。不要将谈话条款的控制权交给对方。如果他们不会在中途遇见你，那么你就没有任何理由继续说下去。
狡猾的链接共享(Dodgy Link Sharing)
虽然在线约会诈骗者（除了鲶鱼）有兴趣赚钱，但他们可能不会直接这样做。在线(Online)约会诈骗者可能会与您建立信任，让您点击诈骗链接。
我们都喜欢与我们的朋友分享模因和优质内容，因此您更有可能点击“受信任”的人(” person)发送给您的内容而不会停下来思考。它可能是网络钓鱼链接(phishing link)、恶意软件下载或其他任何东西(malware download or anything)。如果您的在线男友(online beau) 真的(really )希望您点击链接，请务必小心。
怎么办(What To Do About It)
苹果的标准网络安全规则。不要点击您不知道和不信任(you don’t know and trust)的链接。不要下载和运行你不知道出处的文件。如果您确实需要，请对任何下载内容运行防病毒扫描(antivirus scans)，并且仅使用浏览器沙箱(sandbox)打开可疑链接。切勿(Never) 在通过这些链接找到的任何表格中输入敏感信息或个人信息。(type sensitive)
超模照片(Supermodel Photos)
好的，您的在线约会(online date)实际上是一个非常有吸引力的专业模型，这并非不可能。然而，绝大多数人没有似乎是从杂志上撕下来的个人资料照片。所以这肯定是一个危险信号。
当然，骗子对此越来越聪明。所以他们可能会简单地窃取另一个人的头像。他们还可能从该人的个人资料中窃取其他照片，以使他们自己的照片看起来更合法。
怎么办(What To Do About It)
最简单的方法是对相关照片进行反向图像搜索(reverse image search)，看看它是否出现在其他地方。
用头脑思考，而不是用心思考(Thinking With Your Head, Not Your Heart)
人类倾向于情感推理。营销人员知道这一点，这就是为什么广告关注情感的原因。他们想通过“性销售”策略让你火爆，或者让你感到悲伤和同情，这样你就会购买产品或为某项事业 捐款。(product or donate)
诈骗者使用相同的剧本，但甚至不提供任何东西来换取您的现金、时间和情感投资。这(Which)就是为什么在涉及在线关系时，您应该始终与自己的感受保持一定程度的距离。
直到你们物理上在一起，这种关系是(relationship isn)不具体的。很多(Plenty)人都在网上寻找爱情(love online)，但你需要成为一个上钩的人，而不是一个被罪犯上钩的人。
Online Dating Scammers: 10 Red Flags To Spot & Avoid Them
The worst sоrt of criminal is the kind that preys on υs when we are at our most vulnerable. When it comes to matters of the heаrt, even the smartest person can look past logic and fall into the jаws of a scam.
Online dating scammers rely on our need for companionship, love and the avoidance of painful loneliness. Everyone deserves to find someone special, but that doesn’t mean you need to be completely uncritical when looking for love online.
We’re going to look at how online dating scammers work, what the warning signs are and how you can deal with each one.
How Online Dating Scammers Work
There are two main types of online dating scammers. The first is motivated by pure profit. The idea is to build a relationship with you. Then emotionally manipulate you into parting with your valuables.
The second type of scam is more insidious, since most of the time, there’s no monetary gain. This is known as “catfishing” and is a form of internet trolling. The aim is to humiliate or otherwise emotionally harm you as a cruel prank.
While catfishing doesn’t generally fleece you of money (although it may move in that direction) many of the signs are still shared between both types of online dating scammers. Here are some of the most common red flags.
Things Move WAY Too Fast
The scammer needs to make a profit, which means they are on the clock. While you may be in no rush and just want to enjoy the early stages of getting all lovey-dovey, the real person behind the fake profile wants dollars and they want them now.
This means you’ll definitely sense a certain lack of hesitation from the other side of the screen. Your online “date” wants to go from 0-60 in no time flat. So if things are getting hot and heavy at an insincere speed, you should definitely take a step back without those rose-tinted love glasses.
What To Do About It
You need to take control over the pace of commitment. Ask them detailed questions about their lives. Take a real interest. Let them know you’re interested in getting to know them before getting serious.
This isn’t foolproof. Some online dating scammer outfits are willing to work their marks for months or years, but most are in it for a quick buck and putting the brakes on makes you unprofitable.
Things Don’t Add Up
Online dating scammers have to build multiple fake online personas. Yes, even the scammer has to play the field. They might tell you that there are no other victims, but the truth is being an online dating scammer is a bit like being a battery farm chicken. You’re stuffed into a box and expected to produce, produce, produce.
The good news is that this means most of these fake online profiles are paper thin. Just a casual read through their social media profiles should highlight details that don’t match up.
What To Do About It
Do your research just as you would with any other stranger on the web. It’s almost impossible for people to keep their lives off the net these days. So look beyond the channels your prospective online date has used to contact you.
Do a reverse image search on their profile picture. See if they interact with family members. Do they have a LinkedIn page? Do the details about their lives add up? Are they the same between profiles?
They Ask For Money
The hallmark of an online dating scammer is that pretty quickly after hooking you, the requests for money will come. There are many different tacks that can be taken here, but the central issue is the request for money in the first place.
What To Do About It
It may be difficult, but you need to absolutely refuse any form of monetary payments. If you already made a payment, it’s still not too late to stop. Even if the person isn’t a scammer, it’s still predatory and highly inappropriate to ask someone you’ve only known for a few days or weeks for money.
Ask yourself if you would have been comfortable giving a person you’ve never met in real life money? Even best friends don’t ask for financial help lightly. More importantly, this is the age of crowdfunding. If someone has a genuine emergency and wants money from strangers, they’d be better off starting a GoFundMe page.
Poor English Or Overall Language Use
This can be a touchy one. Having a poor command of the English language doesn’t automatically mean you are dealing with an online dating scammer. The web makes it possible for people from any background to meet. So it’s entirely possible that the person you are legitimately starting a romantic journey with just doesn’t speak or write English well.
The actual red flag is when there’s no reason to expect bad English from the person they are pretending to be. If the person claims to be an English speaker, college educated or a native of an Anglophone country, then it’s a major red flag when their English is broken and of poor quality.
The same principle applies if you are communicating in a language other than English, of which you are a competent speaker.
What To Do About It
The only thing you can really do is be wary if the person’s language use is poor, inconsistent or otherwise suspicious. Raising the issue with someone who isn’t a scammer could still be highly offensive.
However, you can ask questions related to the issue that might clear things up. Questions such as “How many languages do you speak?” or “Is English your first language? You have an interesting way of writing.”
Elaborate Sob Stories
Another common feature of online dating scammers is the elaborate sob story. It just so happens that you’ve come into this person’s life just as everything was about to go wrong. Their dog is sick, their mom needs cancer treatment, they’re about to be evicted and so on.
Typically these stories are convoluted and the more you question them, the more details are added to muddy the waters further. This is all underscored by desperation and heart-wrenching pleas for help. They really do love you, if you love them you’ll help them out.
You can bet the request for ever-escalating amounts of money will soon follow.
What To Do About It
Most people with a healthy nonsense-detector will smell something fishy when the stories of melodramatic tragedy start rolling in. Whether the story is true or not, it’s not your responsibility to fix it.
You can sympathise, you can offer advice, but never offer money. It’s especially nasty if there’s an implication of quid pro quo, but that’s a matter for your own moral compass.
Excuses, Excuses, Excuses
You can bet that online dating scammers are no strangers to being interrogated. Most of their marks smell something fishy pretty quickly, so they have a playbook of excuses to string you along for as long as possible, just in order to get a few more dollars or (with catfishing) a few more laughs.
Since they aren’t a real person, anything you ask for that would be trivial for a real person to do is something they have to avoid. Want to have a video call? They’ll find a reason why they can’t. Want to fly out to meet them to call their bluff? They probably won’t agree unless they’ve already fleeced enough from you for the scam to end.
As much as possible, the scammer will want to keep you at a distance they can control. This makes it easy to hold up the facade.
What To Do About It
A few reasonable excuses are one thing, but if it turns out that your request for a real life meeting or a simple Skype call are met with an iron curtain of reasons they can’t happen, then it’s best to end things. Even if it was never a scam.
Relationships are meant to open up gradually over time, someone who is red-hot in texts, but won’t get on camera is a major red flag.
Escalating Desperation
Online dating scammers are no stranger to people resisting the call for money. That’s where they really begin to ply their trade. First they get a foot in the door with the opening gambit of the sob story. Then, when you aren’t forthcoming with the cash, things get worse.
Eventually you’ll have the other person begging you for help, questioning your self-image as a good person. They will not shy away from hurting you emotionally for a few bucks. In fact, the more distraught they can make you through your empathy the less likely you’ll be to stop and think.
What To Do About It
This can be a tough one, especially if the scammer has spent a long time grooming you for this moment. The best thing to do is put time and distance between yourself and these please.
Go for a walk, take a deep breath and look at what’s being said outside of the influence of strong emotion. Time pressure and heightened emotions are tools that manipulators use to force you into making decisions without thinking.
Forcing You To a Different Service
One common tactic used by these scammers is to quickly move you from a mainstream platform like Facebook or Twitter, to somewhere only they control. This can be simple text messaging, WhatsApp or something obscure. They don’t want to be reported and they don’t want you bringing other people into the conversation.
It’s critical that they control as many of the variables in your conversation as possible. If the person is strangely insistent that you move away from the platform where you met, be suspicious.
What To Do About It
Refuse. There’s no good reason to move you away from the platform you trust and are already using. Don’t cede control over the terms of the conversation to the other person. If they won’t meet you halfway, then you don’t have any reason to keep talking.
Dodgy Link Sharing
While online dating scammers (apart from catfishers) are interested in making money, they might not go about it in a direct way. Online dating scammers may build trust with you to get you to click on scam links.
We all love sharing memes and good content with our friends, so you are much more likely to click on something a “trusted” person sends you without stopping to think. It could be a phishing link, a malware download or anything really. If your online beau really wants you to click on a link, be very wary.
What To Do About It
The standard cybersecurity rules apple. Don’t click on the links you don’t know and trust. Don’t download and run files you don’t know the provenance of. If you really must, run antivirus scans on any downloads and only open suspicious links using a browser sandbox. Never type sensitive or personal information into any forms found through these links.
Supermodel Photos
OK, it’s not impossible that your online date actually is an incredibly attractive professional model. However, the vast majority of people don’t have profile photos that seem to have been ripped from a magazine. So it’s a red flag for sure.
Of course, scammers are getting wise to this. So they might simply steal the profile picture of another person. They might also steal other photos from that person’s profile to make their own seem more legitimate.
What To Do About It
The easiest thing to do is simply run a reverse image search on the photo in question and see if it comes up somewhere else.
Thinking With Your Head, Not Your Heart
Humans tend to reason emotionally. People in marketing know this, which is why adverts focus on feelings. They want to make you hot under the collar with the “sex sells” strategy or make you feel sad and sympathetic so you’ll buy a product or donate to a cause.
Scammers are using the same playbook, but don’t even offer something in return for your cash, time and emotional investment. Which is why you should always maintain some degree of distance between yourself and your feelings when it comes to online relationships.
Until you’re physically present together, the relationship isn’t concrete. Plenty of people are finding love online, but you need to be the one hooking a good catch, not the one getting hooked by a criminal.
